Initially, what I thought I wanted was to detach myself from you.  ...I know now that that isn't the case.

What I wanted was a clearer definition of who I was.  I knew who you were, your attitude toward certain things--your quirks.  It goes without saying that I am not you.  By realizing this, some of the blur surrounding who I am is pushed aside.

A significant portion remains, however.  I will do what I must to create... or find... whoever "I" am.  It is interesting how we learn the word "I" as children, and not fully comprehend its meaning until we are older.  And even then it can be unclear.

I can't pretend I was blind to my actions.  I am guilty of many transgressions, and I cannot claim that I didn't know what I was doing.

As I discover who I am, I will do penance.  For the things I have done.  For what I will do.  People say grace is only a belief away, but I cannot be at ease in my heart without doing something to make up for what I have done.  Or the possible mistakes I'll make in the future.  

My goal is not perfection.  I already have a soiled record, anyway.  I hurt so many people, for such a selfish ambition that I suppose I already knew in a deep part of me would never come true.

...I want to help others.  So they won't have to know the pain of losing someone and being unable to cope with the impact of the loss of life.  Life is precious... and if one were able to bring others back from the dead, what meaning would life have?

I will push myself forward with these thoughts.  I hope my concentration might not shift to you.  You distract me... easily.

I can't let that happen.